A second of joy and a day of sadness

If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

Everything I dreamed about
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning bring tears to your eyes
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lets say today i had a second of joy and a day of sadness .. why do i experience joy ? 1stly because i was with the girl of my dreams in One utama . I bought her something meaningful to me for her. I get to see her 1 second with it through the reflection of the mirror when her friends got out from the changing room . Sad isnt it ? it is because i only had a second of happiness .. ..

Here comes the best part , a brief disscussion on my momment of sadness; 1stly , if from where i stay i only get to see her with it for a second , how about her friend boyfriend who were standing beside me . I bet he also gets to see the mirror reflection . Jealous ? yeah maybe ..Another best thing is to realize the fact that other guys including her friends boyfriends will get to see her with the thing i bought for her out there in langkawi .... other guys .. i am seriously beginning to hate my life and my fate .. 'move on '; a term that had never appeared in my dictionary. 'Love'; thats something that is definately for sure .I love her , only god knows how much . 'regret'; i had never in my life regretted on things i buy for her or what i did for her.In fact , i would like to buy her more stuff..''Why''; because i love her . Besides i dont know what else to do or how to go about to get closer to her. I must admit, by the name of Allah swt , I love her with all my life ..

In conclusion .. i am in pain for the rest of the day . I got abandon by her , neglected but i still love her no matter what .. Stupid; yeah maybe i am stupid or maybe its just a test from god on how much i love her . Pain ; i know i am gonna live my life in pain realizing that other guys get to see her with that thing i bought for her . Everyone except me . Worried ; definately worried because i am not there and anything can happen to her and she can do wonders out there by the beach . 'Stop '; hahhaa , funny thing , who am i to stop her . Last but not least i just wish the best of luck in living her life ; i'll live my life in pain .. Hopefully one day i get to be someone important to her how i see her towards my point of view rite now . Let me pray hard for it ....

'' Ya Allah ya tuhanku , please blessed her . Save her from negative influences expecially from satan and the world .. please grant my wish .. I love her with all my life ..Please take good care of her wherever she goes ,May i am willing to be responsible of all her sin.Do placed her in heaven in the afterlife... amin ya rabbalalamin ..

The sadness i suffered from my good heartedness

I suffered from the worst depression and sadness last thursday . My heart suffered from traumatizing breakdown . I can say that the experienced i've been through due to the kindheartedness i've potrayed is unediable the worst experience i've ever had. To begin with , lets say its satars of with a very happy evening.

i brought the girl of my dream and a brother of mine to Chillis for dinner . Having the extra cash on that day had opened up my heart to spent it on the 2 most important people in my life.As we went there i was still in a very hyper happy mode. My brother ordered some meal with the workers pubic hair on it. God bless him. It was so funny whereby i laughed like crazy . There were 5 hairs his meal.As to some people imagining how the hairs can be in the food dish is sick but for me it was just funny. The girl of my dreams ordered some meal while i ordered montoray chicken ; the best dish in chillis.

My life begun to experienced fear when i saw them hugging . For them it may be some natural behaviour of close friendship but to me it was something else . The way they hugged was something beyond friendship.After that i saw them hold hands together . That was when my heart broke to pieces. I realize what love can leads me to ; suicide. I suffered from extreme pain due to the action of theirs of holding hands in front of me . I mean behind me , i seriously dont care but this traumatizing incident happened in front of me . Besides the brother asked me if i do feel jealous due to his action. I still put a smile on my face even though extreme sadness was hidden in my lonely heart.

In conclusion i would say that this was the most extreme emotional torture i've ever been through . Someone i love holding hands with soomeone i care. The girl of my dreams said it was just a joke that had been planned but for me i just see it as a disrespectful action taken by my brother to pissed me off . To see me in pain , to see me emotional , to see me cry .I cried as soon as i got home . Why in this world my feelings of love is seen as a joke ? cant they think that i am so serious about it . Whats wrong with people today. I know that i am not physically attractive but is it a sin for me to fall for an attractive girl. She has something that i dont have. She can flirt or attract anyone just by a smile . Something that i cant do . Something i am born with; ugliness . Maybe cause i see her as an angel . I had never touch her besides a finger poke to her side belly in foosball games whereby i want her to take a shot and play front. Who is wrong in this matter ? Is it my so called bro who didnt respect me in the situation ? is it her for responding to my brother's act or is it me for loving her ? can anybody tell me . please.

I am so heartbroken , i am so in pain ...

Here are the exacts words when i went to ask them for their current status ?

my bro : bro , i was just trying to piss you off . It was a joke la bro . nothing serious .

The gurl of my dreams : Dont cry . Was it that convincing?we were just playing around la .Its f_ _ _ _ and s _ _ _ _ _....

:::::: I am so jealous and so sad to realize the fact that i am so ugly to be loved or respected by the 2 most important people in my life...


FUCK MY LIFE

Reasons behind why i love the girl of my dreams

There are few specific reasons on why I love the girl of my dreams . Let us first view her by her physical appearencess.I could easily say that for me her smile is the sweetest i've ever seen . Some may say ' zamir there is nothing extra special about it.' ,but for me her smile is everything.Her hazel eyes , georgeous lil smile , straight shinny hair are physical appearences that had made me attracted. Lets look at somewhere else rather then just her face. Her body , is just bootyliscious . Its just nice for her . It fits her physical structure. To view deeper about her will freak her out or it may fall under sexual harrasment so lets stop here on the physical attractiveness overview .

Secondly i would like to talk to everyone about her character.As for being her friend for nearly 2 years , i could say that she is the sweetest girl god had ever created . 1stly her sweetness appears through her smile .; for me its seductive but it doesnt lead to extreme sexual attractiveness.Untill today i am not sexually attracted to her smile. I just think that her smile makes my heart feel happy .Besides that , she has a beautiful heart . Why do i conclude to this ? the reason why i say she is just beautiful in the inside ( not inside her clothes but deep inside her heart) is because she tend to sympathize people . She has a very nice perception towards people . She is a positive thinker ; for example to this is when i accidently plagarized her assignment without any self caunscious.Due to this ,Some psychologist would say that this action of mine is NGRI ; a term that defines a person 'Not Guilty Reason of Insanity '. Why do i think i am not guilty ; its because of the fact that i am crazily inlove with her until i dont realize that even though i read her masscom work once but the paragraph development of the essei is nearly the same . How coincidence can that be ? it might be a coincidence and it might be not ..

Thirdly i could say that my feelings for her is unique . Its like when people ask u a joke .What goes up but never comes down ? Some would think age is right answer for this but for me my feelings for her is the best to define it. The difference is my answer is not a joke . Its something serious that i should take actions to gain my goals .

Another reason why i love her is because she is one lil smart gurl . Her level of inteligence and the biological drives that motivates her to move forward and succeed in life is undeniably magnificent. She has her priorities rite . Unlike me who believes in living life momment by momment ; she , on the other hand believes that go all out to succeed every momment in life .
This hardworking attitude and the desire to move forward in life makes me amazed because she is somewhat different compared to other women i minggle with.

However , there are some contradicting view among my friends on my feelings for her . Some thinks its a serious matter while some thinks its a pure joke . Some agrees that its true i am in love with her but some say that i am inlove with her cause i cant get her to bed . Some say my feelings for her is just ' lust' and some say my feelings for her is true 'love' . However ; this views are only meant to be listen to , i should not take it seriously and jeaopardize my feelings for her because in this current situation there is one thing that is definately true which is ; i cant live my life without her .

There are also some people who say she is one hell of a horny girl . Seriously i dont believe in it . I mean why must i care what she had done in the past if what they are saying is true. What i know of is once my heart had decided on the person i love ; it meant that i will except her the way she is without having doubts regarding her past. I dont care anything about things she is going to do or what she had done . What i care about is herself or in other word is the person itself . I believe that she is naive . I believe that she is an obedient girl . I believe she is an angel send by heaven to save me . My perception towards her might not be true but what i know off is i definately will accept her the way she is . As a conclusion , in the current situation , i think only time could tell the fate between me and her .'Horny' might definately not be the word to describe her coz i think she is far from it.

I really hope both of us are meant for each other . I am sorry for her in the first place because i am someone who doesnt have the physical attractiveness that she could be proud of if she dates me . I am not like other hot guys in her favourite list . I just pray everyday so that one day she could realize my existance and my feelings for her. Another weakness in me is i am not a guy who is smart enaugh for her . I can say that she is 20 times more hardworking and smarter then me .

The only thing i can offer her right now is my heart and my attention . My whole heart is only meant for her . She gets 100 % of my attention . I hope one day she will know that i am always behind her supporting her physically , morally or spiritually. I stand for her happiness . I stand for her success .Never in my life to fall inlove with the girl of dreams this deep.

As a conclusion for this post of mine ; once again i would like to announce to the whole world whats my purpose and my stand in life . Here it is ...

1. Goals - To be together as in relationship with the girl of my dreams.
- To get my psychology degree

2. what will people close to me say about her:
-She is the one- morpeheous ( Matrix trilogy)
- You are the chosen one to save mankind ..eg zamir - Obi wan Kenobi ( Star wars )
- Macam ni lah gadis mak suruh cari - my mama
- She is the last perfect women alive - oprah winfrey
- Abg amir , kakak abg amir preety gurl cam siti - my beloved baby sister , siti

3. Song that reminds me of her :
- If you were mine - Marcoz Hernandez
- Thats when i love you - Aslynn
- What about love - lemar
- Lovers and friends - Ludacris feat lil john
- crazy over you - 1112
- no one else comes close - joe
- Heaven by your side - no one else comes close
- Accidentally in love - Counting crows

4. Reason why i love her :
1)She has a perfect character , beautiful heart .
2) Attractive physical appearences
3) Good family background
4) Intelligent lil gurl
5) daddy's lil gurl .

5. top 3 words saying that reminds me of her when i say or hear it :
- I love you
- I miss you
- You are inlove
- i adore you

6. Things i wish i could say to her :
- i love you ( i mean it if i can say so )
-Shivon , mary me ( definately going to be in the next 5 years )
- I am sorry for loving you , i hope you understand ..

thats all for now .. let me think of some others . In conclusion i would say that i love her too much and she is the only person that will be in my heart forever .. pray hard for me to win her heart ..

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love lovel love love love

can u believe that someone who doesnt believe in love all his life now had fall for the sweetest chick in town ..... =)

The story behind my love life and the girl of my dreams.

Love is a term of 'lust' and sex.When a men say 'i love you' to a women that means he meant i wanna sleep with you or vice versa.The difference between a women's confession of 'i love you ' compared to men is the meaning behind it.Women's 'i love you ' saying is best illustrates as I will only sleep with you if you provide me something expensive. Its so unique to see the differences between both this genders.Life is so unique.Men are made to be maniacs while women are born to be meterialistic .

As to my true love story ;Lets us just say that my love life isnt like the books or love novels that is sold throughout the world which provides readers with a very happy ending. My love life isn't like walt disney fairytaile. It isn't like beauty and the beast whereby even though the beast is ugly he still ends up with beauty (The cutest walt disney cartoon character). My love life is just sad because it aint going anywhere at the current momment.Let me first tell you a brief history of my love life.

This story begins 3 years ago when i used to spend time in brewball Midvelley . I saw this sweet little growing up girl .As for the first impression of her base on my personal point of view , i could say that she is naive, innocent , sweet and daddy's litlle girl.She fits the perfect characteristic of the women of my dreams .She was 15 years old at that time . I was 19 . Some say i am pedophile for admiring her but i dont think so . 4 years difference is just nice . Ever since then i have the urge of wanting to get to know her better .

1 year after that , i finally found the confidence to massage her on friendster. Untill today , i still dont know where the energy comes from . 4 months after that i got her number . For me she is the hardest person to be close to .The whole process of getting her number takes me 1 year 4 months and 12 days ( personal diary ;2004) I begin to have phone conversation with her everyday . Talking to her even though at times i think what i talk to her is a repetition of an everydays conversation.I believe she does get bored of talking to me . I am seriously sorry for her. What i need in life is just to hear her sweet little voice. The voice that inspires me to move forward.

2 months after that , she got her school exams . I didnt get to talk to her for nearly 2 weeks.As what i can remember is i have the tendency of missing her voice. I felt so empty . I suffered from this mix feelings. I suffered from loneliness .When i saw her in months after that i suffered from acute anxiety disorder . A rapid heartbeat,sweatiness, memory lost and loneliness. I feel as though the world is so perfect when i am somewhere near her . Base on a psychology book i've read , they said i am suffering from this symptoms called love . I name it the Love syndrome ; a syndrome that will make a person fly high and fall flat . A syndrome that might lead to suicide .

Today here she is being my classmate and college mate. Today i am closer to her more then before . Today here i am standing beside her . Today i can say that my level pf happiness is depended on how she treats me . But one thing saddest me , she is taken by one old guy , someone i see as a lunatic . I must admit that i love her .It had been 1 year 9 months and 4 days i love her . I will never forget 12.07.04. The date whereby for the first time mohamad zamir had fall inlove . Today i love her . I swear i will love her forever . I promise myself that in my life its either her or no one else . My intentions are clear . This girl was created for me to love . Until today i find her beautiful inside and outside . I dont find her sexually attractive even though most of my friends do . I have faith in her . I may not be together with her today but i believe someday or another ; if god does love me , she will be mine forever . I will end this blog of mine with a song for her .

:::ps i do take note every single conversation , insident , argument wit her in the diary .
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
You’re my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
You will always be beautiful in my eyes And the passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye ‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes
You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And The passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes
The passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
::::::::::::I DONT CARE WHAT EVER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT IT BUT I LOVE HER ........

My perception about love and life

Love is a just a symbolic saying of 'lust' by both genders .When a man say ' i love you ' to women that is basically means that 'i wanna sleep with you' . On the other hand when a women say or ask the boyfriend 'do you love me' it seriously means that do i get something expensive after this ...base on my personal point of view ; base on this illustration on the fact of how man and women think ,it shows that love is just a total bullshit .. Why do i think women and man are both dumb.? its because women seriously doesnt even know how to read map and guys doesnt know how to ask for directions.This is proven by the fact that why in this world god made 1000000 of sperms to get into one ovum...Coz no sperm wants to ask for directions to get to the ovum and no ovum knows to read the map to get to the sperm..Sad isnt it to know the truth about man and women...

Some say i came out with the conclusion due to the fact that all my life i've been brought up in the world without love except from my internal family . I can say that in this saying there is no such thing as right or wrong . I cant stop on how a person views me . I dont care ..what i care is how i perceive my self..

I believe in unconditional love..I believe in giving love to specific people without expecting anything in return . I 've been implimenting this type of lifestyle for the past few years . I must admit that i am so hurt deep inside me but yet happy to see the person i loved move well in life.For me , the smile from the women i loved all my life makes me happy .. I believe that the one and only person that i am less likely sexually attracted to the person is the one for me .. Lets say that i believe that the 'infactuation' and the symptoms i experienced everytime i am with this gurl makes me believe that i am finally for the first time i am inlove.. But nothing i can do about it .. My life is just so sad .. I am so inlove .. i fall for the gurl every day yet getting hurt everyday realizing the current truth....

Another perception of my life about love is love just hurts in the end .. God just created this wonderfull feelings for the temporary banefit to mankind... Have anybody ever wondered , even husband and wife .. no one will die together at the same time .. at least in a split of a second different .. i seriously think the split second causes maximum pain onto the women .. love just hurts...

Enjoy reading my post ..Its my perception not yours =)