my perception about life

how stupid i am ..

2007-03-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

Guess what , yesterday i just knew that this girl that this blog was about got together with the current boyfriend on april 14th 2006 .. I seriously thought it was may 19th. 2006.shit i got screwed all the way.. the best part is she was telling me about her aint lying to me and all on my birthday.... its total bullshit.. So as a conclusion i could say that i was 25 days behind time.. So that means on my last years birthday celebration they were together already... fuck !!! i hate liars /... Its true what they said women just cant be trusted.. i am so screwed.

good try dear friend . please stop being stupid

2007-03-10T17:19:00.000-08:00

There is this women who went straight to my friend and said that this was how zamir used to treat shivon ..ahhaha!!! funny ... people nowadays . Still hate me even tho i hardly see or even talk to her. Weird , coz at first i thought all she ever wanted was shivon to get out from my life for good . Now she is trying to influence my new friend .. hahhaa !!! what do you expect this type of women's mentality(referring to the girl who attempted to bitch about me) .I am yet to understand her reason for doing that.

Let me tell you what i think of this women's actions. I think she just wants to see me suffer. I also think that she wants to backstabbed me again. Good try dear friend !!! you might succeed once but not anymore. I can assure you that.

As you see stupid is define as lack of intelligence .To say this women is stupid might be a bad thing but one thing is for sure this women has lack of intelligence. My advice to her is keep on looking at the mirror coz what goes around comes around. Always remember that.

Whoever that read this and guess who is this women , i will award them with a lunch or dinner treat. I promise =) . I do know who just that at times i wish peole can guess and be aware of her bitchiness ..

god bless everyone =)

a sad gambling day

2007-02-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

Today i gambled in midvalley with few of the workers. Honestly i am so sad and depressed . why ? Its because i lost rm 80 bugs when i was in the lead of rm 100 from the banker. Its my first and biggest defeat in my personal black jack gambling history . I am so so sad .. help me !!!

btw there is this girl that had always been cheering up my life this past few months. I am so so happy !!! I would like to say thank you to her for always being there for me when i am inneed of someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry at. The best part is i think she is hot =p

Another sad thing is that the fact arsenal lost yesterday away 1-0 to psv eidhoven. I really hope they win big at home. Come on arsenal !! dont let you fans down. I really hope robin van parsie will recover from his injury and team up with henry to keep arsenal's spirit up. Cesc fabregas and Thoman rosicky ; both of you are the arsenal current hero. Keep it up with you consistency . Alexeder Hleb ; keep up your good effort . Adebayor ; you are the worst striker in this season arsenal had ever had. Julio Baptista and William Gallas ; both of you need to get adjusted to the EPL kindda play ..

Go arsenal !!! let us move to victory . We can win big at home !!! have faith in king henry !! =)

It had been ages since the last time my last post

2007-02-20T11:06:00.000-08:00

Honestly it had been several months since the last time i've ever posted anythng in this blog of mine.Today let me tell you why ?

There are 3 reasons why i didn't post anything in this lil blog of mine :

1st - This blog of mine is the journal of pain coz i record all the pain i went through with its specific date and time.

2nd - the password to this blog is linked to someone who has no meaning anymore in my life.

3rdly - Its just pain pain pain pain and pain again ...

Honestly today i can say that i am a different man .My perspectives about life , my needs , my goals had totally changed.I am so happy. Life had been going on the way i want it to be . Its just one thing different from the past , she ; the women i refer to in my previous posting is not in my life anymore. Its true what people used to say , in life at times you need to sacrificed things you want the most.

I am in the situation whereby i need to regain my confidence that i've lost all these years. I need to be who i was before and not who i am today.Several months i've been searching for the right method that i can implement to regain my confidence and others respect.I might not know if i am fully recovered from the breakdown i've went through but i could feel that their are some positive improvement towards recovery.

My propher once said that there is no point hating people who hates you or your enemies.In the matter of fact ,I would like to say thank you to her for making me a stronger man. Thanks to her for voicing out her special request to me by asking me to get out from her life for good. I would like to thank her friends for supporting her and asking her to get out from my life. I really hope the All Mighty will know how to bless you people either in todays world or in the afterlife.

Last but not least i would like to thank her for prooving all my perception about love and women rite. thanks for making me a new me. God bless you =)

i am so into this blog page whereby i dont have the heart to close it

2006-12-05T15:19:00.000-08:00

It had been a while since the last time i ever wrote something in this blog of mine. 1stly , on the 16th November 2006 , my friendship with whoever the girl in this blog i've been talking about had come to an end. This time its for real.Why ? its because she said it herself. It was a request from her. Nothing i can do about it.She was telling me that i need to sacrifice my friendship for her happiness so thats what i did. Officially i dont give a fuck about her anymore since thats what she wants.

Its just sad when i get to know that the whole 'go fuck off and die zamir ' doesnt actually comes from her. It was a conclusion she made herself over people who claim to be my friends who had influence her towards this saying.Its shocking and traumatizing to know that her friends which consist of people i know of are people who are against me. But its okay . God is with me.Lesson i've learn through these experience is dont trust anyone.

It had been 3 weeks since this happens so i can say that i am over it and i am looking forward in celebrating the 1st month aniversary.I am currently having so much fun in my life.No more hartamas or breakers for me . No more foosball for me.I've achieve my target ; world selection rookie doubles champion , open doubles 6th place, rank 33 in the world rookie singles and rank 6th for world vifa doubles.Plus , foosball only brings back memories i am trying to get over it.

I can't wait for the upcoming college prom . I bet i am going to have fun . I just wish someone will come to me and find trouble , coz yeah i would like to see how the new me deals with assholes.I have nothing to loose. Cant wait for the after party either. Cant wait to get pissed drunk.=)

Another happy thing that happen to me is to know that farid and daniel had won the nationals foosball rookie doubles champion. Its good to know that farid is the back to back Malaysian rookie doubles champion partnering 2 diffrent partners. The first one was me back in may 2006 whereby the both of us won the world selection doubles and he did it again on disember 2006 partnering daniel.As a conclusion to this , he Muhamad Farid Yaacob is the best rookie forward in Malaysia. Go la farid !!

i am so happy !!! yesterday i went to see my all time beloved pet sister Alia Aishah . She had make my life happier all these years . I would like to personally thank her for that.Guess what , me ,my cute uncle and her group of friends went to watch this Malay movie entittled 'Cinta'. The movie was unbelievable too romantic.

I would also like to thank the women that had made a stand in my life. The women that keep making me smile and had filled my life with full of laughter.For the past few monts , we had gone through the ups and downs of both our life. She had filled my life with lots of sweetness that i could not imagine. Dear blog, i am so sorry i could not mention the women's name in my postings.She @ the gurl that her name could not be mention is the 'bomb'.

The new me

2006-11-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

Honestly i would say that today i am a new person . Its like me getting reborn into this world . I am quite confused with my life . The women i used to love ; how must i treat her . Like a bitch or like normal times. My anger towards her current boyfriend is beyond the limit. I am scared it might burst one day.

Because of me not getting to win her heart for the past 2 years i've been trying to impress her , now i feel like as tho i am a looser. She had took my pride and dignity away but its okay . Sooner or later i will get it back . When i think back on what she had done to me on my birthday ; that is so traumatizing. I had never experienced more pain then that all my life. I feel as tho i am a stupid person supporting her to achieve her goal when what she does is just having fun .

I use to pray for her success in education like a lot but today i dont see the point of it . She aint worth my prayers . I really hope the All Mighty will open her mind and make her a smarter person . Not educationally smart but street smart .

I dont care about my feelings for her anymore but its just sad to see someone i used to care and loved is changing from a home girl to a sarung party girl , from a person who hardly goes clubbing to a hardcore clubber , from someone who use to be home by 2 am at most and now she i dont know wether she goes home or not .What i know at the 5 am she can still be outside. Honestly this is the biggest pain .

I would like to end this short posting of mine just to remind myself of what i am currently seing or listening about her . I must remind myself that the person who i use to think is an angel is not that good after all . Last but not least i would like to remind myself not to fall inlove or have a crush on women anymore .Thats it . Its just not worth it .

A song that makes me cry everytime i listen to it

2006-09-11T15:12:00.001-07:00

Gallery - Mario Vasquez

God broke the mold,
When he made this one
I knowShe's breathtaking but so much more
She walks in the room,
your loves closed
Making you never want to breathe again
Her boyfriend has got so much dough
So much ice his neck and wrist frozeIs he faithful to her? Hell no
But she chose to be with him, shorty
Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime
Because I can't takeSeeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fairAnd it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do
Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you
Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on,
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime
I can't takeSeeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fairAnd it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of artIn his gallery
You're a masterpieceI know that heCan't appreciate your beauty
Don't let him cheapen you
He don't see you like i do
Beautiful not just for show
Time that someone let you know
I can't takeSeeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
In his gallery

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this song is so touching . I am tired of crying listening to this song . Been listening to this song over and over again . I hope my life will be happy one day .. Let Allah swt decides the journey of my life =)

2006-09-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

Gallery - Mario Vasquez
God broke the mold,
When he made this one
I knowShe's breathtaking but so much more
She walks in the room,
your loves closed
Making you never want to breathe again
Her boyfriend has got so much dough
So much ice his neck and wrist frozeIs he faithful to her? Hell no
But she chose to be with him, shorty
Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime
Because I can't takeSeeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be,
In his gallery
It's just not fairAnd it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
She's so confused
She knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do
Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you
Tell me is the money worth your soul
Tell me what's the reason that you hold on,
When you know that dude has a whole wall of 'em just like you
And girl you're just way too fine
Gotta be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind
Don't be just another dime
I can't takeSeeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fairAnd it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of artIn his gallery
You're a masterpieceI know that heCan't appreciate your beauty
Don't let him cheapen you
He don't see you like i do
Beautiful not just for show
Time that someone let you know
I can't takeSeeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
I can't take
Seeing you with him'
Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery
It's just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery
In his gallery

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this song is so touching . I am tired of crying listening to this song . Been listening to this song over and over again . I hope my life will be happy one day .. Let Allah swt decides the journey of my life =)

Babyface- how come , how long ; specially dedicated to someone in my life

2006-06-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

There was a girl I used to know
She was oh so beautiful
But shes not here anymore
She had a college degree
Smart as anyone could be
She had so much to live for
But she fell in love
With the wrong kinda man
He abused her love and treated her so bad
There was not enough education in her world
That could save the life of this little girl
How come, how longIts not right, its so wrong
Do we let it just go on
Turn our backs and carry on
Wake up, for its too late
Right now,
we cant wait
She wont have a second try
Open up your hearts
As well as your eyes
She tried to give a cry for help
She even blamed things on herself
But no one came to her aid
Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell
Thats what wed like to tell ourselves
But no, it wasnt that way
So she fell in love
With the wrong kinda man
And she paid with her life
For loving that man
So we cannot ignore
We must look for the signs
And maybe next time
We might save somebodys life
HookI on occasion met that guy
He stirred up bad feelings deep inside
Something about him wasnt right
The way he proves himself a man
By beatin his woman with his hands
Oh I wish shed seen the light
How can someone like that
Call himself a manIn reality hes far more less than that
And we cannot ignore
Whenever we see the signscause any kinda of abuse
God knows isnt right

So cute .. So beautiful

2006-06-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

yesterday ,thursday 15/06/06 i sent a girl back home ... I must admit yesterday she was kindda cute and very beautiful.. Lets not disscuss who,how or exactly when ..

Besides yesterday night , i was talking to this another georgeous looking girl . ..But ya know what , erm i will never do the same mistake again .. everyone please remind me not to be too nice to all women coz they dont deserve it .. Women are just for the pleasure of my eyes .. I just believe that the reason behind why women exist in this world is just to make a guy like me heartbroken and always in tears .... I just wish all generous man out there to realize the purpose of every women in this world . A warning from me in advance ..

Bet of my life ..

2006-06-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

Hey for the start , let me first say i am scared to go after gurls anymore . The reason to it is because i am scared to go back to the circle of dilemma . A circle of life that drives me towards insanity. I believe that i was born to be hurt or maybe my purpose of life is to live life in tears and sadness..I am uncertain myself. Sometimes i wonder why god creates me ; Maybe he creates me for the banefits of others. He created me to make everyone happy and not mysellf.I still do believe he loves me .why? because he always prepare me an escape root ...

For example : when i am broke ; there is always my beloved cousin bro to save me
: when i am hungry ; there is always means to get food
: when i am hearbroken ; there is always people to entertain me ..

As a conclusion i would say that i seriously believe god loves me the way i love him.Let faith decides my destiny..If i ever fall for the same women again ; i need to pay my cousin bro rm 5000 . And there are like 3 people who bet on it . How can i fall inlove with a dead women ? that will be kind of freaky ..dont ya think ? hahahah !!!

The saddest moments of my life ..I'll regret all my life.

2006-05-29T12:34:00.000-07:00

I am going to be sad all my life. This is because after me and my beloved bro farid won the world selection novice doubles champion , I didnt turn up to the prize giving . I accidentally slept while waiting for him to pick me up . How can this be ? its my first champion trophy.I will be sad and emo all my life for this . But let us look on the bright side .. Maybe my accidental falling asleep moments before the prize giving is a sign from god that there will be more champion trophy partnering bro farid after this . Seriously I am now currently so emo .. Next target ; Vifa Asia novice doubles champion. Come on farid .. Lets do this..
And i just realize that my life had been luckier ever since i met this new friend . Another reason that evokes my anger during the tournament is to see the girl that i use to admire flirting with an asshole.. Its an insult for me but i need to live life with it. Psychologist say pain evokes fear that leades to flight or fight response . Thats how i won the tournament i think . To the asshole ; may you enjoy doing what ever you want with the women i use to like , I'll hate you forever . i Swear by the name of Allah i'll hate you ./.. thanks !!

World selection novice doubles champion

2006-05-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

Wow today 28/05/06 will be the most memorable day of my life . Why ? Cause me and my bro farid had become the World selection novice doubles Malaysian champion . I can say that this victory was more for him then for me . Without him I might not win . H e was on fire the whole tournament . I am just sad i was nervous in the finals... Now we r rm500 richer .. Besides that , my mission in foosball is considered a success .. I won my first trophy as a champion and also partnering my bro farid. It had been a dream of mine all this while ..Now we could target for better success in the future. The world tournament ..Come on farid .. Lets start training .. I am seriously sorry for being a last action hero in the finals .. I still wonder how u catch my 'kai' pass.. You are amazing.. Me and you make a good team.. thanks bro .. I'll love you as a bro all my life .. thanks for everything today ..

19/05/06 to the girl that i use to love ; Be happy .. I am out from your life totally.

2006-05-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

My birthday party was a disaster. As a conclussion of the bad moments i can conclude that she is finally out from my life . I am totally ready to make her happy . She is finally free from me . I aint no longer knows who she is anymore . The best part is she sent a negotiater to talk to me . I felt insulted . I seriously dont like it .Who the hell she think she is to insult me like that . I honesly will never treat her the same way ever again.I dont think she valued me as a friend . I just wish she will lead her self happily after this. This is because for me she is officially dead . I hope i get to see her in my after life . Dead people is not meant to be in this world dont ya think . For me , let me uphold the perspective that she is officially dead and her death was on 19th of May 2006 . I hope i know where her graveyard is..My sacrifice is just to make her happy .

To the girl who i used to love :

I wish you the best in your life . May god bless you . Thanks for all the sweet moments we had in my life. Partnering you mix doubles ; beating the 2003 nationals champion .That was fun . Besides that , i am going to miss all the random talks we had in your car , in college and in hartamas .The spontaneous ideas such as lets go eat dunkin doughnuts , burger king and many more outings. That was touching. Another thing that i am gonna miss is snapping pictures on my phone with you . All the pictures turns out good . Other sweet touching moments i had with you are disscussion we had on searching past research in a lab report and exams question . I am gonna miss lots more memories with you . In the matter of fact if i list it down it will take forever to finish so i just put few of the memories to be shared in this blog. Last but not least i am seriously gonna miss reloading for you and your sms's. I am gonna miss all these and others . I would like to say please be happy in your life since i am totally out from yours. I believe my sacrifice will make you the happiest person in the world . Be thankful at least for once in your life towards me .

To my bro's farid and daniel :

Thanks for being there for me when i was down . You bro's had made my life worth living . This dota addiction really helps. Without the both of you i wont be standing here today . Thanks for being happy for me .

:::: May her soul rest in peace. Be happy that i am totally out from her life.

I am gonna miss this song .. coz i wont purposely hear it ever again

2006-05-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Song by Joe - No one else comes close

When we turn out the lights
The two of us alone together
Something's just not right
But girl you know that i would never ever let another's touch
Come between the two of us
Cause no one else will ever take your place

Chorus:

No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You're so special girl to me
And you'll always be eternally
Everytime i hold you near
You always say the words i love to hear
Girl with just a touch,
you can do so much

No one else comes close
And when i wake up to
The touch of your head on my shoulder
You're my dream come true
Oh, girl you know i'll always treasure
Every kiss, every dayI love you girl in every way
And i always will cause in my eyes
Chorus (2x)No one else comes close
No one else comes close

Damn i love you

The end of my life ....

2006-05-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

I would like to share my experience in this blog . I would like to officially declare that i will never fall for love ever again . The experience i've been through for the past 2 years had made me suffer too much pain that leads me to the tought of committing suicide..All my life i only love one girl but i got heartbroken because of it. Its either i love her or no one else . Lets say my heart and true love cant win her heart . The best part is she ask me to go fuck off from her life , go study abroad and dont come back . That is so mean .

I am just too sad and depressed . I am sad because i believe that she is worth everything . She is worth the wait . I believe that love develops over time but i can say its total bullshit. I believe that no matter what happened to her in the future , i will still accept her the way she is ..Its true i'll still accept her but right now currently she is the one that cant accept me . Maybe because i treat her like a princess , maybe because i treat her too good . Its true what my friends tells me ' zamir if u want her just be who you are before . I seriously believe she deserves my true love but it looks like it doesnt lead me anywhere . She is the first girl i 've ever have the heart in wanting to be together with her.

She said yesterday that only miracle can make her fall for me . Am i that ugly ? please tell me ... right now i seriously think i do . I fell i've been used . I helped her with all her assignment and purposely dont want to beat her in the current exams . I want her to have the confidence in her college life ... Right now i think its total bullshit .. Is there such thing as miracle ? maybe maybe not .. I just feel i've been used ... All i need now is just physical pain that could divert my emotional pain to physical pain . Right now all i need is alcahol that could makes me high and have memory collapse and forget about her for a bit.. I also need and electro convulsive therapy ( electric shock therapy) that can make me forget her . I just wish i can see her like how my friends view her ; pornstar attraction .

I still love her , i still adore her . i dont know what else to do . Why must i suffer from pain momments 28 hours before i turn 22. Why does she wants to punish me like this . .. why why ?? i am going insane .. i am thinking of suicide .. i dont know what else to do .I seriously thought she was a genuwine friend to me .What type of friend who doesnt know how to repay bet ? what type of friend who loves to see another friend hurt ? I hope she will learn her lesson one day .. May god let miracles that i need to come true ...

Walk with me,
the path of life,
to explore every bend of the road
Enjoy with me the beauty of life,
along its wonderful way
Find comfort with me,
in each other's arms,when grief crosses our path
Find strength with me, in each other's strength,
when despair lies in waitLaugh with me, a single true laugh,
to enlighten another's distress
Cry with me, a single true tear,to understand true happiness
Cherish with me,
the wonders of life,
as they need to be preserved
Rejoice with me,
in the mysteries,of what is yet to be
Find peace with me,
in each other's souls,
when the world has gone insane
Find love with me,
in each other's hearts,
until this life has been fulfilled
And when the path comes to an end
I hope we can say from within
We've known the beauty of true love,
our love came from within

:::::::::::This poem was specially created for her ...

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::FUCK MY LIFE

A second of joy and a day of sadness

2006-04-29T16:21:00.000-07:00

If you were mine,
I be your your everything and you be the only thing that I would ever need
If you were mine,
I would tell everyone that you are the only one that I could ever want

Everything I dreamed about
Everything that I talked about
One thing I can't live without
I wanna get closer to you
Can't stand being far away
Knowing that you don't feel the same way
Questioning bring tears to your eyes
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

lets say today i had a second of joy and a day of sadness .. why do i experience joy ? 1stly because i was with the girl of my dreams in One utama . I bought her something meaningful to me for her. I get to see her 1 second with it through the reflection of the mirror when her friends got out from the changing room . Sad isnt it ? it is because i only had a second of happiness .. ..

Here comes the best part , a brief disscussion on my momment of sadness; 1stly , if from where i stay i only get to see her with it for a second , how about her friend boyfriend who were standing beside me . I bet he also gets to see the mirror reflection . Jealous ? yeah maybe ..Another best thing is to realize the fact that other guys including her friends boyfriends will get to see her with the thing i bought for her out there in langkawi .... other guys .. i am seriously beginning to hate my life and my fate .. 'move on '; a term that had never appeared in my dictionary. 'Love'; thats something that is definately for sure .I love her , only god knows how much . 'regret'; i had never in my life regretted on things i buy for her or what i did for her.In fact , i would like to buy her more stuff..''Why''; because i love her . Besides i dont know what else to do or how to go about to get closer to her. I must admit, by the name of Allah swt , I love her with all my life ..

In conclusion .. i am in pain for the rest of the day . I got abandon by her , neglected but i still love her no matter what .. Stupid; yeah maybe i am stupid or maybe its just a test from god on how much i love her . Pain ; i know i am gonna live my life in pain realizing that other guys get to see her with that thing i bought for her . Everyone except me . Worried ; definately worried because i am not there and anything can happen to her and she can do wonders out there by the beach . 'Stop '; hahhaa , funny thing , who am i to stop her . Last but not least i just wish the best of luck in living her life ; i'll live my life in pain .. Hopefully one day i get to be someone important to her how i see her towards my point of view rite now . Let me pray hard for it ....

'' Ya Allah ya tuhanku , please blessed her . Save her from negative influences expecially from satan and the world .. please grant my wish .. I love her with all my life ..Please take good care of her wherever she goes ,May i am willing to be responsible of all her sin.Do placed her in heaven in the afterlife... amin ya rabbalalamin ..

The sadness i suffered from my good heartedness

2006-04-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

I suffered from the worst depression and sadness last thursday . My heart suffered from traumatizing breakdown . I can say that the experienced i've been through due to the kindheartedness i've potrayed is unediable the worst experience i've ever had. To begin with , lets say its satars of with a very happy evening.

i brought the girl of my dream and a brother of mine to Chillis for dinner . Having the extra cash on that day had opened up my heart to spent it on the 2 most important people in my life.As we went there i was still in a very hyper happy mode. My brother ordered some meal with the workers pubic hair on it. God bless him. It was so funny whereby i laughed like crazy . There were 5 hairs his meal.As to some people imagining how the hairs can be in the food dish is sick but for me it was just funny. The girl of my dreams ordered some meal while i ordered montoray chicken ; the best dish in chillis.

My life begun to experienced fear when i saw them hugging . For them it may be some natural behaviour of close friendship but to me it was something else . The way they hugged was something beyond friendship.After that i saw them hold hands together . That was when my heart broke to pieces. I realize what love can leads me to ; suicide. I suffered from extreme pain due to the action of theirs of holding hands in front of me . I mean behind me , i seriously dont care but this traumatizing incident happened in front of me . Besides the brother asked me if i do feel jealous due to his action. I still put a smile on my face even though extreme sadness was hidden in my lonely heart.

In conclusion i would say that this was the most extreme emotional torture i've ever been through . Someone i love holding hands with soomeone i care. The girl of my dreams said it was just a joke that had been planned but for me i just see it as a disrespectful action taken by my brother to pissed me off . To see me in pain , to see me emotional , to see me cry .I cried as soon as i got home . Why in this world my feelings of love is seen as a joke ? cant they think that i am so serious about it . Whats wrong with people today. I know that i am not physically attractive but is it a sin for me to fall for an attractive girl. She has something that i dont have. She can flirt or attract anyone just by a smile . Something that i cant do . Something i am born with; ugliness . Maybe cause i see her as an angel . I had never touch her besides a finger poke to her side belly in foosball games whereby i want her to take a shot and play front. Who is wrong in this matter ? Is it my so called bro who didnt respect me in the situation ? is it her for responding to my brother's act or is it me for loving her ? can anybody tell me . please.

I am so heartbroken , i am so in pain ...

Here are the exacts words when i went to ask them for their current status ?

my bro : bro , i was just trying to piss you off . It was a joke la bro . nothing serious .

The gurl of my dreams : Dont cry . Was it that convincing?we were just playing around la .Its f_ _ _ _ and s _ _ _ _ _....

:::::: I am so jealous and so sad to realize the fact that i am so ugly to be loved or respected by the 2 most important people in my life...

FUCK MY LIFE

Reasons behind why i love the girl of my dreams

2006-04-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

There are few specific reasons on why I love the girl of my dreams . Let us first view her by her physical appearencess.I could easily say that for me her smile is the sweetest i've ever seen . Some may say ' zamir there is nothing extra special about it.' ,but for me her smile is everything.Her hazel eyes , georgeous lil smile , straight shinny hair are physical appearences that had made me attracted. Lets look at somewhere else rather then just her face. Her body , is just bootyliscious . Its just nice for her . It fits her physical structure. To view deeper about her will freak her out or it may fall under sexual harrasment so lets stop here on the physical attractiveness overview .

Secondly i would like to talk to everyone about her character.As for being her friend for nearly 2 years , i could say that she is the sweetest girl god had ever created . 1stly her sweetness appears through her smile .; for me its seductive but it doesnt lead to extreme sexual attractiveness.Untill today i am not sexually attracted to her smile. I just think that her smile makes my heart feel happy .Besides that , she has a beautiful heart . Why do i conclude to this ? the reason why i say she is just beautiful in the inside ( not inside her clothes but deep inside her heart) is because she tend to sympathize people . She has a very nice perception towards people . She is a positive thinker ; for example to this is when i accidently plagarized her assignment without any self caunscious.Due to this ,Some psychologist would say that this action of mine is NGRI ; a term that defines a person 'Not Guilty Reason of Insanity '. Why do i think i am not guilty ; its because of the fact that i am crazily inlove with her until i dont realize that even though i read her masscom work once but the paragraph development of the essei is nearly the same . How coincidence can that be ? it might be a coincidence and it might be not ..

Thirdly i could say that my feelings for her is unique . Its like when people ask u a joke .What goes up but never comes down ? Some would think age is right answer for this but for me my feelings for her is the best to define it. The difference is my answer is not a joke . Its something serious that i should take actions to gain my goals .

Another reason why i love her is because she is one lil smart gurl . Her level of inteligence and the biological drives that motivates her to move forward and succeed in life is undeniably magnificent. She has her priorities rite . Unlike me who believes in living life momment by momment ; she , on the other hand believes that go all out to succeed every momment in life .
This hardworking attitude and the desire to move forward in life makes me amazed because she is somewhat different compared to other women i minggle with.

However , there are some contradicting view among my friends on my feelings for her . Some thinks its a serious matter while some thinks its a pure joke . Some agrees that its true i am in love with her but some say that i am inlove with her cause i cant get her to bed . Some say my feelings for her is just ' lust' and some say my feelings for her is true 'love' . However ; this views are only meant to be listen to , i should not take it seriously and jeaopardize my feelings for her because in this current situation there is one thing that is definately true which is ; i cant live my life without her .

There are also some people who say she is one hell of a horny girl . Seriously i dont believe in it . I mean why must i care what she had done in the past if what they are saying is true. What i know of is once my heart had decided on the person i love ; it meant that i will except her the way she is without having doubts regarding her past. I dont care anything about things she is going to do or what she had done . What i care about is herself or in other word is the person itself . I believe that she is naive . I believe that she is an obedient girl . I believe she is an angel send by heaven to save me . My perception towards her might not be true but what i know off is i definately will accept her the way she is . As a conclusion , in the current situation , i think only time could tell the fate between me and her .'Horny' might definately not be the word to describe her coz i think she is far from it.

I really hope both of us are meant for each other . I am sorry for her in the first place because i am someone who doesnt have the physical attractiveness that she could be proud of if she dates me . I am not like other hot guys in her favourite list . I just pray everyday so that one day she could realize my existance and my feelings for her. Another weakness in me is i am not a guy who is smart enaugh for her . I can say that she is 20 times more hardworking and smarter then me .

The only thing i can offer her right now is my heart and my attention . My whole heart is only meant for her . She gets 100 % of my attention . I hope one day she will know that i am always behind her supporting her physically , morally or spiritually. I stand for her happiness . I stand for her success .Never in my life to fall inlove with the girl of dreams this deep.

As a conclusion for this post of mine ; once again i would like to announce to the whole world whats my purpose and my stand in life . Here it is ...

1. Goals - To be together as in relationship with the girl of my dreams.
- To get my psychology degree

2. what will people close to me say about her:
-She is the one- morpeheous ( Matrix trilogy)
- You are the chosen one to save mankind ..eg zamir - Obi wan Kenobi ( Star wars )
- Macam ni lah gadis mak suruh cari - my mama
- She is the last perfect women alive - oprah winfrey
- Abg amir , kakak abg amir preety gurl cam siti - my beloved baby sister , siti

3. Song that reminds me of her :
- If you were mine - Marcoz Hernandez
- Thats when i love you - Aslynn
- What about love - lemar
- Lovers and friends - Ludacris feat lil john
- crazy over you - 1112
- no one else comes close - joe
- Heaven by your side - no one else comes close
- Accidentally in love - Counting crows

4. Reason why i love her :
1)She has a perfect character , beautiful heart .
2) Attractive physical appearences
3) Good family background
4) Intelligent lil gurl
5) daddy's lil gurl .

5. top 3 words saying that reminds me of her when i say or hear it :
- I love you
- I miss you
- You are inlove
- i adore you

6. Things i wish i could say to her :
- i love you ( i mean it if i can say so )
-Shivon , mary me ( definately going to be in the next 5 years )
- I am sorry for loving you , i hope you understand ..

thats all for now .. let me think of some others . In conclusion i would say that i love her too much and she is the only person that will be in my heart forever .. pray hard for me to win her heart ..

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love lovel love love love

can u believe that someone who doesnt believe in love all his life now had fall for the sweetest chick in town ..... =)

The story behind my love life and the girl of my dreams.

2006-04-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Love is a term of 'lust' and sex.When a men say 'i love you' to a women that means he meant i wanna sleep with you or vice versa.The difference between a women's confession of 'i love you ' compared to men is the meaning behind it.Women's 'i love you ' saying is best illustrates as I will only sleep with you if you provide me something expensive. Its so unique to see the differences between both this genders.Life is so unique.Men are made to be maniacs while women are born to be meterialistic .

As to my true love story ;Lets us just say that my love life isnt like the books or love novels that is sold throughout the world which provides readers with a very happy ending. My love life isn't like walt disney fairytaile. It isn't like beauty and the beast whereby even though the beast is ugly he still ends up with beauty (The cutest walt disney cartoon character). My love life is just sad because it aint going anywhere at the current momment.Let me first tell you a brief history of my love life.

This story begins 3 years ago when i used to spend time in brewball Midvelley . I saw this sweet little growing up girl .As for the first impression of her base on my personal point of view , i could say that she is naive, innocent , sweet and daddy's litlle girl.She fits the perfect characteristic of the women of my dreams .She was 15 years old at that time . I was 19 . Some say i am pedophile for admiring her but i dont think so . 4 years difference is just nice . Ever since then i have the urge of wanting to get to know her better .

1 year after that , i finally found the confidence to massage her on friendster. Untill today , i still dont know where the energy comes from . 4 months after that i got her number . For me she is the hardest person to be close to .The whole process of getting her number takes me 1 year 4 months and 12 days ( personal diary ;2004) I begin to have phone conversation with her everyday . Talking to her even though at times i think what i talk to her is a repetition of an everydays conversation.I believe she does get bored of talking to me . I am seriously sorry for her. What i need in life is just to hear her sweet little voice. The voice that inspires me to move forward.

2 months after that , she got her school exams . I didnt get to talk to her for nearly 2 weeks.As what i can remember is i have the tendency of missing her voice. I felt so empty . I suffered from this mix feelings. I suffered from loneliness .When i saw her in months after that i suffered from acute anxiety disorder . A rapid heartbeat,sweatiness, memory lost and loneliness. I feel as though the world is so perfect when i am somewhere near her . Base on a psychology book i've read , they said i am suffering from this symptoms called love . I name it the Love syndrome ; a syndrome that will make a person fly high and fall flat . A syndrome that might lead to suicide .

Today here she is being my classmate and college mate. Today i am closer to her more then before . Today here i am standing beside her . Today i can say that my level pf happiness is depended on how she treats me . But one thing saddest me , she is taken by one old guy , someone i see as a lunatic . I must admit that i love her .It had been 1 year 9 months and 4 days i love her . I will never forget 12.07.04. The date whereby for the first time mohamad zamir had fall inlove . Today i love her . I swear i will love her forever . I promise myself that in my life its either her or no one else . My intentions are clear . This girl was created for me to love . Until today i find her beautiful inside and outside . I dont find her sexually attractive even though most of my friends do . I have faith in her . I may not be together with her today but i believe someday or another ; if god does love me , she will be mine forever . I will end this blog of mine with a song for her .

:::ps i do take note every single conversation , insident , argument wit her in the diary .
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
You’re my piece of mind, in this crazy world
You’re every thing I've tried to find
Your love is a pearl
You’re my Mona Lisa You’re my rainbow skies
And my only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...

The world will turn And the seasons will change
And all the lessons we will learn Will be beautiful and strange
We'll have our fell of tears Our share of sight
My only prayer is that you realize
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes...
You will always be beautiful in my eyes And the passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes

And there are lines upon my face From a life time of smiles
When the time comes to embrace For one long last wine
We can laugh about how time really flies
We won’t say goodbye ‘Cause true love never dies
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes
You will always be beautiful in my eyes
And The passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes
The passing years will show That you will always grow Ever more beautiful in my eyes...

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
::::::::::::I DONT CARE WHAT EVER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT IT BUT I LOVE HER ........

My perception about love and life

2006-04-14T12:13:00.000-07:00

Love is a just a symbolic saying of 'lust' by both genders .When a man say ' i love you ' to women that is basically means that 'i wanna sleep with you' . On the other hand when a women say or ask the boyfriend 'do you love me' it seriously means that do i get something expensive after this ...base on my personal point of view ; base on this illustration on the fact of how man and women think ,it shows that love is just a total bullshit .. Why do i think women and man are both dumb.? its because women seriously doesnt even know how to read map and guys doesnt know how to ask for directions.This is proven by the fact that why in this world god made 1000000 of sperms to get into one ovum...Coz no sperm wants to ask for directions to get to the ovum and no ovum knows to read the map to get to the sperm..Sad isnt it to know the truth about man and women...

Some say i came out with the conclusion due to the fact that all my life i've been brought up in the world without love except from my internal family . I can say that in this saying there is no such thing as right or wrong . I cant stop on how a person views me . I dont care ..what i care is how i perceive my self..

I believe in unconditional love..I believe in giving love to specific people without expecting anything in return . I 've been implimenting this type of lifestyle for the past few years . I must admit that i am so hurt deep inside me but yet happy to see the person i loved move well in life.For me , the smile from the women i loved all my life makes me happy .. I believe that the one and only person that i am less likely sexually attracted to the person is the one for me .. Lets say that i believe that the 'infactuation' and the symptoms i experienced everytime i am with this gurl makes me believe that i am finally for the first time i am inlove.. But nothing i can do about it .. My life is just so sad .. I am so inlove .. i fall for the gurl every day yet getting hurt everyday realizing the current truth....

Another perception of my life about love is love just hurts in the end .. God just created this wonderfull feelings for the temporary banefit to mankind... Have anybody ever wondered , even husband and wife .. no one will die together at the same time .. at least in a split of a second different .. i seriously think the split second causes maximum pain onto the women .. love just hurts...

Enjoy reading my post ..Its my perception not yours =)